Holy crap, I can’t believe I’ve not posted anything since October. I really suck! Well, my only excuse is that my life has been BUSIER THAN THAT ONE ARMED GUY TRYING TO HANG WALLPAPER AND SCRATCH HIS ASS AT THE SAME TIME. Woo! That’s busy! Let me catch y’all up. Over the past two months, I have worked three jobs, all the while:
So just about a week after my last posting, we closed on our new house (Oct 30th was the day). It’s gorgeous, and I’m not just saying that because I’ll be living there for the next decade. The very next day I went over with toilet paper, paper towels, and cleaning supplies; cleaned the hell out of the bathrooms and kitchen, and then went swimming in my new pool!! That was nice, but it was already fucking freezing. Don’t worry, I still enjoyed it. I have a feeling that will be a cold pool year round. Oh well. We moved in on Nov 14th, after more cleaning, painting, new carpet, etc etc. We had our first houseguests after my show, on the very same night – my pals Davey and Rhapsody and Matt and a few others. We also went swimming that night, and it was cold enough to cause genital damage. I don’t think permanently, though.
Night of the Living Dead closed Nov 15th, and it was a success! I don’t miss the blood or zombie makeup, but it was an awesome experience, and I love my cast and crew mates very much. I miss them! I don’t know when the next show I will be involved with will be, so I guess we’ll just play it by ear. Something always comes up, like a bad penny. And of course, I am still working on my own full-length play, Chapel Perilous, which is hilarious but maybe too dirty for prime time. I guess jokes about incest, puke fetishists, and guys sucking their own dicks might be offensive to some people. Who knew?
It was then time to hit the road for Thanksgiving. We always go up to Kentucky for that holiday to visit S.’s fam – I haven’t been burnt at the stake yet! I’m huge in Kentucky! It was very nice this year, not as crowded as years past. It was pretty cold, but we had lots of booze and the fire pit to keep us warm. The food was exceptionally good this year, especially the oysters and the BBQ. Thanks to S.’s cousin Nicholas for having dodgy friends who own a bar and have the hook up on really fat huge ass oysters. Also, I think on Thanksgiving morning, I poured approximately 30 Bloody Marys – everyone was hung over from the raging night-before-Thanksgiving drunk. It was like we were all in college again. The trip coming home sucked major ass, there was a bunch of dildos on the road driving slower than a sloth jerking off, but we made it eventually (in like, 16 hours).
Directly after that, we partied like rock stars at the annual Jobsite fundraiser on Dec. 5th. It was a big success this year, considering most people are broke as a joke – we still managed to both raise some decent fundage and have a kick ass time all around. I was working my ass off most of the night, but I did see just about everyone I knew and had a really, really good time. More fundraiser/ kick ass parties to come – Steal-A-Snuggie Pub Crawl & Scavenger Hunt, anyone?
About two weeks later, it was birthday (woot Sagittarius!). I went to Epcot and drank around the world with two friends, and then came home, cleaned my house, and had some people over. It was really one of the best birthdays of my adult life – a stress-free day with lots of friends, food, booze, and hilarity. I am trying not to concentrate on the fact that I’m getting older (and a little fatter), and crotchety; but instead think about all of the ways I have improved over the years, gotten my shit together, and continue to amaze myself and the various people I give a shit about.
Christmas was also low-key and happy – we went over to my mother’s new house in Del Ray Beach, and met up with my mom, stepdad, and lovely aunts. With our two house moves, the trip to Mom’s went from a 4 hour and 15 minute drive to 3 hours and a half or so; that is an improvement, if a small one. My mom’s dog is the cutest, most fuzziest thing ever – but he was abused terribly as a puppy, so he is very skittish and shy. We gave him a metric shit-ton of treats, but he still liked to hide from us. It was too chilly, and my stepdad’s knee is still too borked (he had knee replacement surgery recently) so we did not get to go on our annual boat ride up and down the coast to look at rich people’s houses, but that’s OK. We did get to eat an obscene amount of seafood – clams, shrimp, fresh grouper, and lobster; plus roasted taters, sausage pasta, various chips and crackers and dips., And of course, that bitchin’ blueberry pie my aunt brings from some whacky Jewish deli in Ft. Lauderdale, that always comes with a funny story of the weirdness she had to go through to get it. We usually rack up on the gifts as well, but with financial times being as they are this year, we all decided to only get a few things for each other instead of the orgy of gift-giving we usually do. I did get a shirt, some shoes, a bag, some stuff for the house, some knick-knacks and a couple of gift cards. Still a score, as far as I’m concerned!
And now we get to that kinda shitty week between Xmas and New Year’s, where everyone feels a little fat and cranky. We’re bombarded with “best of” and “worst of” lists. Everyone makes stupid resolutions. It’s even worse this year because I guess we’re at the end of the (also rather shitty) decade and whatnot. Therefore, that’s going to be my next post – bitching about the past and making snarky predictions for the future. We’ll also talk about various options for your weekend. I promise never to leave you again for as long as I have, my darlings – I may be a harsh mistress, but never a fickle one.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Backstage Betty & the Guest Zombies
There are many reasons why I love doing theater, but one of my favorite aspects of it is the camaraderie of the backstage/ dressing rooms. That’s where you really get to know people, where you hear the latest gossip and the dirty jokes and the “oh my god, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” stories and local news and upcoming events and what’s everyone doing tonight after the show. The dressing room before a show is essentially a show within a show. There’s laughter, tears, joy, horror, attraction, dislike, anger… and I like to think, most of all, there’s love.
Some people sitting in the weirdly lit, funny smelling little room with you have a very challenging journey in front of them, an emotionally draining journey; some people have to sing and dance and make people laugh; some people have to make the audience believe an unbelievable thing – and everyone gets where they need to go a different way. Your nerves may be shot and you’re shaking, yet you are comforting someone; you may have to summon tears and hysteria in 30 minutes, yet you are telling the most raunchy ass joke ever heard or trying to light the lead actor’s rancid fart with your cigarette lighter.
I’ve always been the den mother of the dressing room – the one who has spare hair spray, extra makeup brushes, q-tips, bobby pins, safety pins, scissors, change for the soda machine. The one who can help you fix a bit of your costume that’s not sitting right. The one with an extra cigarette for you when you’re a little nervous. The one that gets that last tricky button for you and knows where we are in the show and if you have enough time to pee. That’s been my favorite role to play for years. I really felt like Mamma Hen last year during TBPAC’s production of The Rocky Horror Show, since I was the oldest chorus member – I kept a dressing room-full of college kids in black lipstick, cigarettes, dick jokes, and glitter for over a month. Now I’m doing it again in Jobsite Theater’s Night of the Living Dead, as the Zombie Coordinator.
This show is going to be my biggest challenge ever as Backstage Betty. Every night, I will get 2 or 3 total n00bs, who’ve not seen the show and have no idea what to do; and I am responsible for getting them ready in Zombie makeup, finding them a costume from our Bag-o-Zombie, showing them where to go and what to do during the show. My biggest worry is what to do with them when we’re not onstage? Can I incorporate them into the tiny and weird microcosm that is the green room of a Jobsite show? Will they be offended by our jokes? Will they ruin someone else’s concentration? Will they be bored? Will they need something I can’t give them? Holy crap, I’m nervous. These people will be depending on me to show them a good time, to make sure they don’t look like idiots, and put them where they are supposed to be when they’re supposed to be there. My director is depending on me not to let some clusterfuck zombie traffic jam happen onstage during a crucial moment of a terrifying show. Will I be able to do it?
I think so. Anyway, come see Jobsite Theater’s Night of the Living Dead, playing now through Nov. 15. This is your thing to do this weekend (and the next, and the next, and the next), even if you’re broke – no excuses! By supporting live theater and local artists, you are supporting the economy – the money we make by doing shows, we turn around and spend on local produce, we tip our bartenders and waitstaff, we buy dog food and books and candy. So come out and see us.
Also, I am bartending all day tomorrow at the Hub (and then yes, going to perform shortly afterwards – hey, I need to stimulate my own economy, if you know what I am saying)… so if you have nothing to do tomorrow, stop by and see me and I’ll make you one of my very special Bloody Marys!!!
Some people sitting in the weirdly lit, funny smelling little room with you have a very challenging journey in front of them, an emotionally draining journey; some people have to sing and dance and make people laugh; some people have to make the audience believe an unbelievable thing – and everyone gets where they need to go a different way. Your nerves may be shot and you’re shaking, yet you are comforting someone; you may have to summon tears and hysteria in 30 minutes, yet you are telling the most raunchy ass joke ever heard or trying to light the lead actor’s rancid fart with your cigarette lighter.
I’ve always been the den mother of the dressing room – the one who has spare hair spray, extra makeup brushes, q-tips, bobby pins, safety pins, scissors, change for the soda machine. The one who can help you fix a bit of your costume that’s not sitting right. The one with an extra cigarette for you when you’re a little nervous. The one that gets that last tricky button for you and knows where we are in the show and if you have enough time to pee. That’s been my favorite role to play for years. I really felt like Mamma Hen last year during TBPAC’s production of The Rocky Horror Show, since I was the oldest chorus member – I kept a dressing room-full of college kids in black lipstick, cigarettes, dick jokes, and glitter for over a month. Now I’m doing it again in Jobsite Theater’s Night of the Living Dead, as the Zombie Coordinator.
This show is going to be my biggest challenge ever as Backstage Betty. Every night, I will get 2 or 3 total n00bs, who’ve not seen the show and have no idea what to do; and I am responsible for getting them ready in Zombie makeup, finding them a costume from our Bag-o-Zombie, showing them where to go and what to do during the show. My biggest worry is what to do with them when we’re not onstage? Can I incorporate them into the tiny and weird microcosm that is the green room of a Jobsite show? Will they be offended by our jokes? Will they ruin someone else’s concentration? Will they be bored? Will they need something I can’t give them? Holy crap, I’m nervous. These people will be depending on me to show them a good time, to make sure they don’t look like idiots, and put them where they are supposed to be when they’re supposed to be there. My director is depending on me not to let some clusterfuck zombie traffic jam happen onstage during a crucial moment of a terrifying show. Will I be able to do it?
I think so. Anyway, come see Jobsite Theater’s Night of the Living Dead, playing now through Nov. 15. This is your thing to do this weekend (and the next, and the next, and the next), even if you’re broke – no excuses! By supporting live theater and local artists, you are supporting the economy – the money we make by doing shows, we turn around and spend on local produce, we tip our bartenders and waitstaff, we buy dog food and books and candy. So come out and see us.
Also, I am bartending all day tomorrow at the Hub (and then yes, going to perform shortly afterwards – hey, I need to stimulate my own economy, if you know what I am saying)… so if you have nothing to do tomorrow, stop by and see me and I’ll make you one of my very special Bloody Marys!!!
Friday, September 25, 2009
what the hell is going on?
Holy Shite, I just realized it’s been like three weeks since I last posted. Sorry, folks, park was closed, but now I guess I am open for business again! When I last left you, I was getting ready to go down to the Hub for the 60th Anniversary party, and good gravy, was that a party. That party was so party it just about kicked MY ass, and I know how to party. We ended up leaving before we suffocated and headed out to Strange Pete – over to Jen Rae’s house, because god, I needed a swim and some TLC. I was sweating like a hooker on nickel night and smelling like a diaper full of shrimp. No, really. It was a pleasant end to a crazy ass day. The next night (Labor Day), S. and I celebrated our anniversary (4 years, bitchez!!) with a romantic dinner and some “dancing” (if you know what I mean, hehehehehe). Awesome!
So, since then, I have been WORKING MY LITTLE ASS OFF. We’re in rehearsal for Night of the Living Dead (opening Oct 21 @ TBPAC) right now – zombie boot camp is going really well, I am so glad for it, but I just wish we were rehearsing more. It’s going to be a great show and I hope everyone comes out to see it because we are going to kick so much ass. I also had some houseguests last weekend – my old pals Dickie and Erin, who are currently residing in the gorgeous state of Vermont. Dickie was down to help with the sound design of the Gorilla Theater’s Halloween show, The Woman in Black, opening Oct 15, directed by Ami Corley. I hope I’ll be able to see it, it looks scary as fuck. So anyway, while my friends were here I wasn’t really lurking about on the computer, I was too busy cooking food, drinking Bloody Marys, swimming, talking smack and having a swell time. I also cleaned my house and painted my bathroom cabinets, aren’t you proud of me? I’m afraid my play-in-writing suffered a little bit too in the run-up to their arrival – my head was so full of cleaning, stocking up and planning activities that I kinda lost my inspirado, and I need to find my way back to it again. I need to submit the first few scenes and a synopsis soon to Jobsite, and I have a staged reading already scheduled for January. Yikes! I last left my characters in something of a cliff-hanger, I need to go rescue those crazy bastards or all hell will break loose. I also let a couple of friends read the first few scenes, to get some friendly feedback on the characters and situation, and I’m glad to say it is all positive so far. I also ran into a new acquaintance at the Hub (a writing professor at UT), with whom I had a lovely conversation about writing, and I really got some great ideas (and some needed compliments about Suck You Bye, my last short play). So. That’s that part of it.
Now, on to business – what to do this weekend? Well, as usual, mine is chock full of obligations and work (and an audition, fun!), but I’m hoping to get some quality party time in there as well. You may be saying, “but fuck, I am broke, and I don’t know what to do!” Or, “Fuck, I am broke, but I’m trying to get into this dude/chick’s pants and I don’t know how to impress someone without spending a ton of ducats!” I am also broke! And I am here to help! Here’s some cheap/ free activities going on this weekend that will entertain and delight you and make you look cultured, desirable, and fuckable.
Jobsite Theater’s And Baby Makes Seven – now through Oct 11 @ TBPAC’s Shimberg Playhouse, Thurs - Sat @ 8 pm, Sunday at 4 pm. I know, you may be saying, “But going to the theater is expensive! Wahhhh!” Well, no, it’s really not. Do you Twitter? Follow @jobsitetheater on Twitter and pick up all sorts of super secret codes to get really cheap tickets! And seriously, taking a date to the theater makes you look all kinds of cultured and shit. This play is a really cute comedy as well, and has some hot lesbian action from what I understand. Who doesn’t like THAT! Totes date night!
There’s a free street festival this weekend in downtown St Pete – FolkFest. All day Saturday and Sunday, free admission, food/ drink/ arty shit for sale booths & bands all day both days – walk around, look at some crazy people and folk art, shake your ass a little, then pop into the Emerald, enjoy a cheap ass cocktail and tell Chrissie I said hello. Located in downtown St Pete, on Central Ave between 11th and 13th Streets. Plus, all museums are free in downtown St Pete on Saturday – so enjoy the street fest, get some cheap drinks, and go hot-snog your date in the beautiful and chillingly air conditioned St Pete Fine Arts Museum. That’s classy!
Live After Dark, Saturday night, Sept 26 @ Ybor Art Studio (2702 Seventh Ave), an opening party for SLAM Magazine (Support Local Arts and Music – yeah, bitches). Only a donation requested at the door (which means FREE if you don’t mind looking like a bit of a dick, or just give them a couple of bucks, sheesh). There’ll be more than 50 artist installations, body painting and henna tattoos, live art and music, a short-film fest, free libations and more!! Wait – FREE LIBATIONS? That means free drinks, you hosers, get down there!
Dilettante - Angela Dickerson presents this exhibit of works with a goal of "translating organic forms through diverse mediums," including industrial jewelry, printmaking, assemblage, sculpture and painting. An opening reception with hors d'oeuvres and live music is held from 5 to 7 p.m. on Fri., Sept. 25. Gallery 501, Tampa. Free food, y’all!! Wooooo!
Now, this crap ain’t free, but it’s all shows I’d like to attend (not this weekend, but coming soon): DC's Thievery Corporation -- made up of DJ duo Rob Garza, Eric Hilton and their diverse ensemble of performers -- produces a lounge-lush fusion of electronica, reggae, acid jazz, psychedelia and the world flavors of India and Brazil. (Sat., Oct. 10, The Ritz Ybor). Tiësto is a famed Dutch DJ and progressive trance producer (Sun., Oct. 18, The Ritz Ybor). Canadian twosome Junior Boys make sexy electro-pop and are pretty hip in the indie scene right now (Fri., Oct. 23, Crowbar, Ybor City). Deadmau5 (pronounced "Dead Mouse") plays progressive and electro house, and is known for wearing a huge grotesquely grinning cartoon mouse head when he performs. (Sun., Nov. 15, The Ritz Ybor). And Paul Van Dyk is only the world's leading electronic music DJ and producer (Fri., Nov. 27, The Ritz Ybor). I guess I need to make friends with someone at the Ritz, in a quickness. Shaun also says Skinny Puppy will be playing soon, so we’ll probably be going to that, especially if Jannus Landing would ever give us our fucking money back for the cancelled Morrissey show, goddamnit. And my friend J. Evans says that Hyde Park Café has some most excellent dj’s and whatnot now on Saturday nights – HPC is actually one of the most affordable bars in that neighborhood, and there’s always a TON of single people there if you are looking for a hot date.
None of this stuff sounds good? Well, there’s always cards. I played some killer Spades this past weekend, and it reminded me of how much fun I used to have, sitting around at someone’s house, drinking and playing cards and talking shit. Just grab a deck and an inexpensive sixer ($8.99 12 packs of PBR, on sale at a store near you!) or bottle of wine, and head over to a friend’s house for a really cheap good time. And hell, if they play poker, you may just end up coming out ahead. Especially if they suck at cards.
Also, check out my friends Greg & Michelle’s website - http://www.culinarysherpas.com – there’s TONS of excellent recipes for the stay-at-home-and-try-to-get-some-booty dates. That’s really cheap and totally has my seal of approval. One of my favorite things is to get a bottle of cheap wine and some fruit and make homemade sangria, cook up a bunch of yummy vittles, turn the air down to 72 degrees, and get some serious snuggle/ couch/ make out time under a cozy blanket. Now, THAT sounds fun!
Alright, kids, I’ve given you a lot to work with here. I fully expect everyone to have an awesome weekend without spending a lot of d’oh! Let me know how it goes…. :)
So, since then, I have been WORKING MY LITTLE ASS OFF. We’re in rehearsal for Night of the Living Dead (opening Oct 21 @ TBPAC) right now – zombie boot camp is going really well, I am so glad for it, but I just wish we were rehearsing more. It’s going to be a great show and I hope everyone comes out to see it because we are going to kick so much ass. I also had some houseguests last weekend – my old pals Dickie and Erin, who are currently residing in the gorgeous state of Vermont. Dickie was down to help with the sound design of the Gorilla Theater’s Halloween show, The Woman in Black, opening Oct 15, directed by Ami Corley. I hope I’ll be able to see it, it looks scary as fuck. So anyway, while my friends were here I wasn’t really lurking about on the computer, I was too busy cooking food, drinking Bloody Marys, swimming, talking smack and having a swell time. I also cleaned my house and painted my bathroom cabinets, aren’t you proud of me? I’m afraid my play-in-writing suffered a little bit too in the run-up to their arrival – my head was so full of cleaning, stocking up and planning activities that I kinda lost my inspirado, and I need to find my way back to it again. I need to submit the first few scenes and a synopsis soon to Jobsite, and I have a staged reading already scheduled for January. Yikes! I last left my characters in something of a cliff-hanger, I need to go rescue those crazy bastards or all hell will break loose. I also let a couple of friends read the first few scenes, to get some friendly feedback on the characters and situation, and I’m glad to say it is all positive so far. I also ran into a new acquaintance at the Hub (a writing professor at UT), with whom I had a lovely conversation about writing, and I really got some great ideas (and some needed compliments about Suck You Bye, my last short play). So. That’s that part of it.
Now, on to business – what to do this weekend? Well, as usual, mine is chock full of obligations and work (and an audition, fun!), but I’m hoping to get some quality party time in there as well. You may be saying, “but fuck, I am broke, and I don’t know what to do!” Or, “Fuck, I am broke, but I’m trying to get into this dude/chick’s pants and I don’t know how to impress someone without spending a ton of ducats!” I am also broke! And I am here to help! Here’s some cheap/ free activities going on this weekend that will entertain and delight you and make you look cultured, desirable, and fuckable.
Jobsite Theater’s And Baby Makes Seven – now through Oct 11 @ TBPAC’s Shimberg Playhouse, Thurs - Sat @ 8 pm, Sunday at 4 pm. I know, you may be saying, “But going to the theater is expensive! Wahhhh!” Well, no, it’s really not. Do you Twitter? Follow @jobsitetheater on Twitter and pick up all sorts of super secret codes to get really cheap tickets! And seriously, taking a date to the theater makes you look all kinds of cultured and shit. This play is a really cute comedy as well, and has some hot lesbian action from what I understand. Who doesn’t like THAT! Totes date night!
There’s a free street festival this weekend in downtown St Pete – FolkFest. All day Saturday and Sunday, free admission, food/ drink/ arty shit for sale booths & bands all day both days – walk around, look at some crazy people and folk art, shake your ass a little, then pop into the Emerald, enjoy a cheap ass cocktail and tell Chrissie I said hello. Located in downtown St Pete, on Central Ave between 11th and 13th Streets. Plus, all museums are free in downtown St Pete on Saturday – so enjoy the street fest, get some cheap drinks, and go hot-snog your date in the beautiful and chillingly air conditioned St Pete Fine Arts Museum. That’s classy!
Live After Dark, Saturday night, Sept 26 @ Ybor Art Studio (2702 Seventh Ave), an opening party for SLAM Magazine (Support Local Arts and Music – yeah, bitches). Only a donation requested at the door (which means FREE if you don’t mind looking like a bit of a dick, or just give them a couple of bucks, sheesh). There’ll be more than 50 artist installations, body painting and henna tattoos, live art and music, a short-film fest, free libations and more!! Wait – FREE LIBATIONS? That means free drinks, you hosers, get down there!
Dilettante - Angela Dickerson presents this exhibit of works with a goal of "translating organic forms through diverse mediums," including industrial jewelry, printmaking, assemblage, sculpture and painting. An opening reception with hors d'oeuvres and live music is held from 5 to 7 p.m. on Fri., Sept. 25. Gallery 501, Tampa. Free food, y’all!! Wooooo!
Now, this crap ain’t free, but it’s all shows I’d like to attend (not this weekend, but coming soon): DC's Thievery Corporation -- made up of DJ duo Rob Garza, Eric Hilton and their diverse ensemble of performers -- produces a lounge-lush fusion of electronica, reggae, acid jazz, psychedelia and the world flavors of India and Brazil. (Sat., Oct. 10, The Ritz Ybor). Tiësto is a famed Dutch DJ and progressive trance producer (Sun., Oct. 18, The Ritz Ybor). Canadian twosome Junior Boys make sexy electro-pop and are pretty hip in the indie scene right now (Fri., Oct. 23, Crowbar, Ybor City). Deadmau5 (pronounced "Dead Mouse") plays progressive and electro house, and is known for wearing a huge grotesquely grinning cartoon mouse head when he performs. (Sun., Nov. 15, The Ritz Ybor). And Paul Van Dyk is only the world's leading electronic music DJ and producer (Fri., Nov. 27, The Ritz Ybor). I guess I need to make friends with someone at the Ritz, in a quickness. Shaun also says Skinny Puppy will be playing soon, so we’ll probably be going to that, especially if Jannus Landing would ever give us our fucking money back for the cancelled Morrissey show, goddamnit. And my friend J. Evans says that Hyde Park Café has some most excellent dj’s and whatnot now on Saturday nights – HPC is actually one of the most affordable bars in that neighborhood, and there’s always a TON of single people there if you are looking for a hot date.
None of this stuff sounds good? Well, there’s always cards. I played some killer Spades this past weekend, and it reminded me of how much fun I used to have, sitting around at someone’s house, drinking and playing cards and talking shit. Just grab a deck and an inexpensive sixer ($8.99 12 packs of PBR, on sale at a store near you!) or bottle of wine, and head over to a friend’s house for a really cheap good time. And hell, if they play poker, you may just end up coming out ahead. Especially if they suck at cards.
Also, check out my friends Greg & Michelle’s website - http://www.culinarysherpas.com – there’s TONS of excellent recipes for the stay-at-home-and-try-to-get-some-booty dates. That’s really cheap and totally has my seal of approval. One of my favorite things is to get a bottle of cheap wine and some fruit and make homemade sangria, cook up a bunch of yummy vittles, turn the air down to 72 degrees, and get some serious snuggle/ couch/ make out time under a cozy blanket. Now, THAT sounds fun!
Alright, kids, I’ve given you a lot to work with here. I fully expect everyone to have an awesome weekend without spending a lot of d’oh! Let me know how it goes…. :)
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Getting ready to head over to the Hub for the 60th Anniversary Party, I can't help but think of the last time I worked at a Hub party (the 50th - back in '99) and my 15 year history with this little smelly yet darling slice of the Big Dirty....
So, in July of 99, I was working for a cigarette company (yes, I was a merchant of death, but all of those free cigarettes came in pretty damn handy when I was broke, let me tell you), and said cigarette company was a sponsor of the Hub's anniversary party. I was going through some really rough personal shite (involving some dumb ass dude who cheated on me and a bed that almost got set on fire and pushed into a pool, and maybe some lesbians too), I had just finished Jobsite's Spring Awakening, and I think we were in rehearsal for Y2K. It was a Saturday afternoon around 2, it was hot as balls, and my '84 Honda Accord still smelled like dogshit from when my stripper friend's Chihuahua had pooped in it a few months ago. I'm pretty sure I was still mildly hungover from the night before. When I get there, the place was already a clusterfuck - Joe Popp was trying to set his gear up on top of the bar, climbing over liquor bottles, the drunks were already 3 deep at the bar, and the air was on the fritz in this building that had stood for over 50 years. I was asked to drag a barstool to the Zack side door and start carding people and not letting them in if need be. The fire marshal was there and was bitching up a storm because it was already almost to capacity and the party hadn't even started yet. By 3:30, there was a line snaking down Zack Street and I was sitting on a ratty black pleather bar stool, in the blazing Tampa-n-July sun, on my second Long Island and having the time of my life. The fire marshal tells me I can't let anyone else in, we're over capacity. So these shitloads of high spirited alcoholics who are hot, thirsty, and ready to party are eyeballing me like a fat kid looking at a box of Little Debbies. By 6 pm, I was on my 4th Long Island and a girlfriend of mine had come up with a way to distract the fire marshal (use your imagination) so we could sneak additional people in the side door. I had about $60 in my pocket from bribes of desperate people ready to get in and start drinking heavily. By midnight, still hot as balls, still a huge fucking line of howling, gibbering maniacs, I had been sitting in the heat drinking Long Islands for ten hours. Eventually one of the bartenders (I think it was Brian) who had come out to bring me my hourly Long Island took mercy on me, scraped me off my barstool prison, and helped me inside. The drunks waiting in line went apeshit and starting storming the door, but I think someone was balling the fire marshal in the alley by that time because we never heard a peep out him. I have vague memories of someone telling me it was 4 in the morning, and I remember saying how that couldn't possibly be true, I couldn't possibly have been at the Hub for 14 hours, drinking, dancing, cavorting, my ass having been stuck to a ratty ass black vinyl barstool for several hours, my legs fell asleep... maybe I was asleep. Someone gave my stupid ass a ride home that night, and I remember waking up the next day craving a cheeseburger and thinking it was all a dream.
When I was 19, I remember being over at someone's house, and my friend Rebecca comes over and says she has discovered "this new bar," this crazy ass dive joint that we simply HAD to check out. Rebecca was a little bit older than me, but I don't think 21 yet. I asked her about the place - "downtown," she said. She said it smelled funny in there, looked a little dodgy, but there were a lot of boys and the drinks were really cheap. "well, let's fucking go!" So we climbed in my friend's VW Bug, with a couple of other random weirdos and hippies that were lurking about, and off we went. I don't recall who was working that night, but they did not card me - I was just starting my bartending career at the time, slinging drinks at a place called Big Al's Liquor Lounge, so I'm sure I thought I was a total bad ass. I don't remember what I ordered, but whatever it was, it was probably the most sweet illicit candy drink that I had ever had. Shortly after my 21st birthday, after a night of drinking somewheres else, the Trolley Stop, maybe?, we popped into the Hub for last call, and I remember telling Scooter, "Yay!! I'm 21 now!!!" Scooter just looked at me like I had told him I had maggots in my panties, and then he banned me for a month for drinking underage in his bar. I was very contrite. But happy as a pig in shit a month later!!
I've popped in many, many times since then - once after taking a sick friend home after a rehearsal, I pulled up to the curb on Florida for a shot of whiskey and to study my lines, and ran into someone I hadn't seen in years... and ended up having very strange evening discussing movies, exes, and paths not taken. I used to study for my theater history exams in the Hub - I got an A in the class. I spent one memorable afternoon in there getting my palm read and my fortune told, accompanied by someone who should have known better. I once wrote a story for the Weekly Planet, about a time I saw someone given a gift of fish in the Hub - she didn't appreciate it, so she sent this parcel of fish sailing over the heads of the resident boozers, landing it in the corner behind an ice chest, where it probably still sits rotting to this day.
Monday, August 24, 2009
in the sinkhole of my psyche
Hello there, I hope y'all had a good weekend. Mine was chill and low key - in the interest of saving money, you know, because we are all thrifty and shit. I did suffer some minor bullshit this weekend... some lameness and *wah!* hurt feelings, but that is nothing new. I've been feeling very down lately, having a wee crise existentielle for some reason. It could also be that I am freaking the fuck out about my upcoming (rapidly! Rapidly!... ok, not really) birthday - like I'm some balding fat guy who's dying to go bang a 20 year old blonde and buy a hideous yellow Corvette....
If you know me, you know that I am usually a very happy person, happily making fun of stupid people and things around me, happily having a few cocktails with friends, happily being a total whackadoo.... So these feelings of "meh" and "Fuck My Life" are strange and foreign to me. I wouldn't really say that I am depressed - I don't feel all mopey and pathetic like those people in the commercials. I don't have a big crank sticking out of my back. I don't think it's sexy to be in a claw foot bathtub out in the fucking middle of nowhere - oh, wait, that's Cialis, dick-voodoo, not anti-depressants, whatever.
I mostly feel angry - angry that my life seems so much more fucked up and full of lame than everyone else's. It's not the kind of berzerker angry that feels good when you let 'er rip and bite some douchenozzles's head off and shit down their neck, oh no; this is a slow burn, an anger with a side of bitterness that just sits in my stomach and festers like an old bum tossed into the Great Pit of Carkoon. It's pathetic anger bread. It's giving me the agita. E pessimo, that's for sure. I think I am getting an ulcer.
One of the hardest life lessons for me has been that life is intrinsically unfair. I just can't wrap my head around it - but it's true, life is as unfair as a motherfucker - I will never win, there is always someone who has awesome fucking things happen to them all the time even though they are a huge dickhead; and there is always a super nice person who gets shit on constantly. Always - that is the way of the world. I remember when I was a kid, and I would get down in the dumps because some girls at school were being mean to me or some boy I had the hots for thought I was a tool, or whatever - and my mom would say, "Hey! At least you can walk and talk! A lot of people can't, you know! Now get over yourself or I'll give you something to be depressed about!" Oh, Mom, you were always full of the best advice and I can't believe I hardly listened to you when I was a little snotnosed brat....
So maybe I should just eat a big bowl of STFU and *get**over**it*. I have a lot of things to be thankful for. This reminds me of both a book I read ages ago and a conversation I had with S. not too long ago. Several years ago, I read this book Prozac Nation, by Elizabeth Wurtzel. GOD, that booked pissed me off so much - I wanted to find this bitch, and smack her in her thin, rich, smug face. This stupid cow was attractive, going to Harvard, had a rich family, and could not get out of bed and when she did, all she did was fucking whinge and bitch and moan. I remember thinking, "Gee, bitch, it must be nice to not have to work, because if I couldn't get out of bed due to a terrible case of ennui, I would be fucking fired, lose my shitty apartment, become homeless and probably end up ass up face down in a gutter somewhere." Maybe that was somewhat heartless of me, I don't know (and don't really care, either). She had a disease, and she couldn't help it. I've known a few people in my life who were gorgeous, came from wealthy families, and seemed to have all of life's sweet fruit handed to them on a silver fucking platter, and they were still moany, whiny little cry-babies who had to have Prozac and Valium just to get up in the morning (along with some rails of blow, a cocktail, and a bong hit, but that's neither here nor there). Look at Nick Drake - handsome, talented, from an artsy well-to-do family, had the world as his proverbial oyster.... he died at just 26 from an overdose of Lithium, an experimental drug at that time.
I know that there are certain situations, people, and things that particularly depress me. I'm going to try a course of total avoidance of those situations, people, and things. I refuse to be one of those people, I refuse to be a whiny cry-baby bitch. I'd rather eat of my pathetic anger bread than be a numb mindless dillhole. I'll self-medicate with beer and snark, if you please. The only thing that would be a little cool about being depressed is if it made me lose a few lbs. Hahahaha, yeah fucking right, I would never be so lucky. #FML! :)
If you know me, you know that I am usually a very happy person, happily making fun of stupid people and things around me, happily having a few cocktails with friends, happily being a total whackadoo.... So these feelings of "meh" and "Fuck My Life" are strange and foreign to me. I wouldn't really say that I am depressed - I don't feel all mopey and pathetic like those people in the commercials. I don't have a big crank sticking out of my back. I don't think it's sexy to be in a claw foot bathtub out in the fucking middle of nowhere - oh, wait, that's Cialis, dick-voodoo, not anti-depressants, whatever.
I mostly feel angry - angry that my life seems so much more fucked up and full of lame than everyone else's. It's not the kind of berzerker angry that feels good when you let 'er rip and bite some douchenozzles's head off and shit down their neck, oh no; this is a slow burn, an anger with a side of bitterness that just sits in my stomach and festers like an old bum tossed into the Great Pit of Carkoon. It's pathetic anger bread. It's giving me the agita. E pessimo, that's for sure. I think I am getting an ulcer.
One of the hardest life lessons for me has been that life is intrinsically unfair. I just can't wrap my head around it - but it's true, life is as unfair as a motherfucker - I will never win, there is always someone who has awesome fucking things happen to them all the time even though they are a huge dickhead; and there is always a super nice person who gets shit on constantly. Always - that is the way of the world. I remember when I was a kid, and I would get down in the dumps because some girls at school were being mean to me or some boy I had the hots for thought I was a tool, or whatever - and my mom would say, "Hey! At least you can walk and talk! A lot of people can't, you know! Now get over yourself or I'll give you something to be depressed about!" Oh, Mom, you were always full of the best advice and I can't believe I hardly listened to you when I was a little snotnosed brat....
So maybe I should just eat a big bowl of STFU and *get**over**it*. I have a lot of things to be thankful for. This reminds me of both a book I read ages ago and a conversation I had with S. not too long ago. Several years ago, I read this book Prozac Nation, by Elizabeth Wurtzel. GOD, that booked pissed me off so much - I wanted to find this bitch, and smack her in her thin, rich, smug face. This stupid cow was attractive, going to Harvard, had a rich family, and could not get out of bed and when she did, all she did was fucking whinge and bitch and moan. I remember thinking, "Gee, bitch, it must be nice to not have to work, because if I couldn't get out of bed due to a terrible case of ennui, I would be fucking fired, lose my shitty apartment, become homeless and probably end up ass up face down in a gutter somewhere." Maybe that was somewhat heartless of me, I don't know (and don't really care, either). She had a disease, and she couldn't help it. I've known a few people in my life who were gorgeous, came from wealthy families, and seemed to have all of life's sweet fruit handed to them on a silver fucking platter, and they were still moany, whiny little cry-babies who had to have Prozac and Valium just to get up in the morning (along with some rails of blow, a cocktail, and a bong hit, but that's neither here nor there). Look at Nick Drake - handsome, talented, from an artsy well-to-do family, had the world as his proverbial oyster.... he died at just 26 from an overdose of Lithium, an experimental drug at that time.
I know that there are certain situations, people, and things that particularly depress me. I'm going to try a course of total avoidance of those situations, people, and things. I refuse to be one of those people, I refuse to be a whiny cry-baby bitch. I'd rather eat of my pathetic anger bread than be a numb mindless dillhole. I'll self-medicate with beer and snark, if you please. The only thing that would be a little cool about being depressed is if it made me lose a few lbs. Hahahaha, yeah fucking right, I would never be so lucky. #FML! :)
Friday, August 21, 2009
so as I was saying...
Hey, kids! Well, as promised, here are a few things to do this weekend that cost little or no money. Some of the arty-er things are good for people going on dates - you know you want to look cultured and suave, bitchez! Most events can be enhanced by the purchase and subtle concealment of a flask of your favorite adult beverage (if you don't have one, ask around - a lot of people have several, left over groomsmens and bridesmaids gifts and such); but please don't get shitfaced and drive. If you do get shitfaced, find a nice broke friend who's willing to stay sober and drive your drunk ass around if you pay his way into places.
Jobsite Theater's Pericles - Shimberg Playhouse, Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, thru Sunday. Rush tickets are available - student & military discounts. If you can offer to help dismantle the set on Sunday after the show, you may qualify for FREE tickets. I'm not just pimping this show because I'm a member of Jobsite and a bunch of my friends are busting their asses on it - nope, I'm pimping it because it's a DAMN FINE show. I might have to go see it again, it was so good. S. said it was the best Jobsite show ever, up to and including the ones I wrote/ acted in! So that's some good shit! Go see it! For more info, visit http://www.jobsitetheater.org/pericles.asp.
Showing after Pericles, enjoy LOL: An Evening with Arnie Ellis; Aug. 21-22, 11 p.m. Fri.-Sat., Shimberg Playhouse, Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, Tampa, $5, free for Jobsite members. $5!?!?!?! You gotta be shitting me!! A world-class comedy show for only $5? That's so cheap it's practically free! Again, flask would be very useful here.
Opening tonight is a movie I really want to see - Quentin Tarantino's new WWII Nazi killing fun fest, Inglorious Basterds. It's probably playing at a gazillion theaters and I can't be assed to go look up the schedule, but y'all are big kids, I'm sure you can figure it out. "But, Christen, " you might be thinking, "going to a movie is expensive! We can't afford that!" BUT WAIT! Yes, going to a movie IS expensive, once you factor in the drinks and candy and popcorn, etc etc. That's why you need to spend a few minutes in planning, and you too can enjoy a night out at the movies. Here's the basic idea - dudes, offer to buy the ticket for your ladydates & in exchange, ladydates carry big assed purses full of bottled soda, whiskey, disposable cups, a ziplock bag full of ice, funyons and snickers bars. Or a 12 pack of beer. Or Absinthe. Or really, whatever. See, unless you are a complete dipshit, movie theaters don't search girl's purses. Fill up a stylish hobo bag (available @ Target for like $10 if you don't have a suitably big assed purse) with cheap liquor and potato chips, and you've got a hot night ahead of you!
Art openings & shows are an old favorite of mine - typically free and usually offering free wine, beer, snack foods or whatever. I looked for you and the only one I can see for this weekend is Flair - Largo's artists unite to debut new works in a variety of mediums -- including painting, photography and sculpture, along with live music and poetry readings. Visit largoevents.com for more info. Sat., Aug. 22, 6-9 p.m., Ulmer Park, Largo, free. But don't worry - I'll post art openings like crazy on here as soon as I hear about them
Free food at the Dali Museum!!! S'REAL Fridays - An arty twist to the beginning of the weekend, these events include a variety of jazz in the cafe, screenings of unusual silent films, complimentary hors d'oeuvres and, of course, access to the country's largest collection of Salvador Dalí works. Every Friday through Aug. 28 from 5:30 to 8:30 p.m. Salvador Dalí Museum, St. Petersburg, $8.50, salvadordalimuseum.org. This one will make you look particularly classy to your dates.
Pay What You Can Admission (i.e., hardly anything) at American Stage in St. Pete: Die, Mommie, Die (by Charles Busch - I love him!) The Suncoast AIDS Theatre Project presents another installment in the The Summer Nights of Alternative Theater Series, which benefits the Metropolitan Charities, providing services to locals living with HIV and AIDS. The show is a campy, comedic melodrama that borrows from 1960s thriller flicks. It follows Angela, who poisons her husband via suppository. Angela's vengeful daughter convinces her brother to kill their mother. When Angela drinks the LSD-laced coffee he gives her, all of her dark secrets come tumbling out. Visit americanstage.org for more info. Aug. 24, Mon., 7:30 p.m., American Stage, St. Petersburg, all shows are "pay what you can admission." AND, Circumference of a Squirrel, part of American Stage's After Hours Series, this dark comedy spins circles of meaning orbiting a one-man performance about Chester, a tortured, obsessive young man preoccupied with everything but the task at hand. A self-diagnosed “rodentophobe,” he frets ceaselessly about his parents, his ex-wife, and the constant threat of rabies. Chester shares details about his father’s irrational fear of squirrels and disease, a childhood burden that in turn infected Chester’s own life. Thru Aug. 22, 10 p.m. Fri.-Sat., American Stage, St. Petersburg, all performances are "pay what you can" admission, visit americanstage.org for more info.
And of course, there's karaoke! Annoy friends and strangers alike with your moving rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" while downing Buds & Jager-bombs. You know you want to. I recommend Pete's Place, 4145 Henderson Blvd in South Tampa. It's CHEAP to drink there, one of the cheapest bars in Tampa, actually; and the crowd is not too dodgy, they're pretty kind at karaoke, there's a pool table and parking is free.
And if you've just GOT to go to Ybor, stop into the smallest little bar with the biggest attitude, Fuma Bella! No cover, one of the cheapest bars in Ybor, and the bartender is a fucking genius. Try the Mexican Trailer Park shot. Say hi to Charlie for me!!
"Well, thanks, Christen, for sharing with us all of these cultural nuggets. But what should we do during the day??", you might ask. Well, this is Florida, so the obvious option would be going to the beach. However, that's kinda far, there's sand, yadda yadda yadda. I recommend finding a friend with a pool, either at their house or apartment complex. Lots of pretty nice apartment complexes do not have gates and no one particularly checking out the pool area for interlopers. My friends who know about such things suggest visting them at Cove (4001 S West Shore Blvd), conveniently located right next to a Circle K and the Green Iguana Westshore. Apparently, there's a wild ass party with plenty of foxy chicks and dudes every weekend day, and you're pretty welcome if you show up with a cooler full of beer, and it doesn't even have to be expensive beer, either.
Or you can always stock up on wine and frozen taquitos, grab your significant other, and snuggle together on the couch in a darkened living room, while ragging on all of the hosts on HGTV and the Food Network. I'm kinda partial to that one, too....
Jobsite Theater's Pericles - Shimberg Playhouse, Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, thru Sunday. Rush tickets are available - student & military discounts. If you can offer to help dismantle the set on Sunday after the show, you may qualify for FREE tickets. I'm not just pimping this show because I'm a member of Jobsite and a bunch of my friends are busting their asses on it - nope, I'm pimping it because it's a DAMN FINE show. I might have to go see it again, it was so good. S. said it was the best Jobsite show ever, up to and including the ones I wrote/ acted in! So that's some good shit! Go see it! For more info, visit http://www.jobsitetheater.org/pericles.asp.
Showing after Pericles, enjoy LOL: An Evening with Arnie Ellis; Aug. 21-22, 11 p.m. Fri.-Sat., Shimberg Playhouse, Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, Tampa, $5, free for Jobsite members. $5!?!?!?! You gotta be shitting me!! A world-class comedy show for only $5? That's so cheap it's practically free! Again, flask would be very useful here.
Opening tonight is a movie I really want to see - Quentin Tarantino's new WWII Nazi killing fun fest, Inglorious Basterds. It's probably playing at a gazillion theaters and I can't be assed to go look up the schedule, but y'all are big kids, I'm sure you can figure it out. "But, Christen, " you might be thinking, "going to a movie is expensive! We can't afford that!" BUT WAIT! Yes, going to a movie IS expensive, once you factor in the drinks and candy and popcorn, etc etc. That's why you need to spend a few minutes in planning, and you too can enjoy a night out at the movies. Here's the basic idea - dudes, offer to buy the ticket for your ladydates & in exchange, ladydates carry big assed purses full of bottled soda, whiskey, disposable cups, a ziplock bag full of ice, funyons and snickers bars. Or a 12 pack of beer. Or Absinthe. Or really, whatever. See, unless you are a complete dipshit, movie theaters don't search girl's purses. Fill up a stylish hobo bag (available @ Target for like $10 if you don't have a suitably big assed purse) with cheap liquor and potato chips, and you've got a hot night ahead of you!
Art openings & shows are an old favorite of mine - typically free and usually offering free wine, beer, snack foods or whatever. I looked for you and the only one I can see for this weekend is Flair - Largo's artists unite to debut new works in a variety of mediums -- including painting, photography and sculpture, along with live music and poetry readings. Visit largoevents.com for more info. Sat., Aug. 22, 6-9 p.m., Ulmer Park, Largo, free. But don't worry - I'll post art openings like crazy on here as soon as I hear about them
Free food at the Dali Museum!!! S'REAL Fridays - An arty twist to the beginning of the weekend, these events include a variety of jazz in the cafe, screenings of unusual silent films, complimentary hors d'oeuvres and, of course, access to the country's largest collection of Salvador Dalí works. Every Friday through Aug. 28 from 5:30 to 8:30 p.m. Salvador Dalí Museum, St. Petersburg, $8.50, salvadordalimuseum.org. This one will make you look particularly classy to your dates.
Pay What You Can Admission (i.e., hardly anything) at American Stage in St. Pete: Die, Mommie, Die (by Charles Busch - I love him!) The Suncoast AIDS Theatre Project presents another installment in the The Summer Nights of Alternative Theater Series, which benefits the Metropolitan Charities, providing services to locals living with HIV and AIDS. The show is a campy, comedic melodrama that borrows from 1960s thriller flicks. It follows Angela, who poisons her husband via suppository. Angela's vengeful daughter convinces her brother to kill their mother. When Angela drinks the LSD-laced coffee he gives her, all of her dark secrets come tumbling out. Visit americanstage.org for more info. Aug. 24, Mon., 7:30 p.m., American Stage, St. Petersburg, all shows are "pay what you can admission." AND, Circumference of a Squirrel, part of American Stage's After Hours Series, this dark comedy spins circles of meaning orbiting a one-man performance about Chester, a tortured, obsessive young man preoccupied with everything but the task at hand. A self-diagnosed “rodentophobe,” he frets ceaselessly about his parents, his ex-wife, and the constant threat of rabies. Chester shares details about his father’s irrational fear of squirrels and disease, a childhood burden that in turn infected Chester’s own life. Thru Aug. 22, 10 p.m. Fri.-Sat., American Stage, St. Petersburg, all performances are "pay what you can" admission, visit americanstage.org for more info.
And of course, there's karaoke! Annoy friends and strangers alike with your moving rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" while downing Buds & Jager-bombs. You know you want to. I recommend Pete's Place, 4145 Henderson Blvd in South Tampa. It's CHEAP to drink there, one of the cheapest bars in Tampa, actually; and the crowd is not too dodgy, they're pretty kind at karaoke, there's a pool table and parking is free.
And if you've just GOT to go to Ybor, stop into the smallest little bar with the biggest attitude, Fuma Bella! No cover, one of the cheapest bars in Ybor, and the bartender is a fucking genius. Try the Mexican Trailer Park shot. Say hi to Charlie for me!!
"Well, thanks, Christen, for sharing with us all of these cultural nuggets. But what should we do during the day??", you might ask. Well, this is Florida, so the obvious option would be going to the beach. However, that's kinda far, there's sand, yadda yadda yadda. I recommend finding a friend with a pool, either at their house or apartment complex. Lots of pretty nice apartment complexes do not have gates and no one particularly checking out the pool area for interlopers. My friends who know about such things suggest visting them at Cove (4001 S West Shore Blvd), conveniently located right next to a Circle K and the Green Iguana Westshore. Apparently, there's a wild ass party with plenty of foxy chicks and dudes every weekend day, and you're pretty welcome if you show up with a cooler full of beer, and it doesn't even have to be expensive beer, either.
Or you can always stock up on wine and frozen taquitos, grab your significant other, and snuggle together on the couch in a darkened living room, while ragging on all of the hosts on HGTV and the Food Network. I'm kinda partial to that one, too....
Thursday, August 20, 2009
popping the posting cherry....
FUCK ME RUNNING!! I totes had the best blog post evar almost fucking completed, and then like a total dumbass I deleted it. Oh well. Here's try #2.
Ok, so I was joking around the other day with my friend Michelle, and I said I should start a blog about being broke as shit and all of the weird ass bizarro crap that happens to me and how I can still have a good time with no money and you can too! And she thought it was a genius idea, and so here I go.
I've been fighting with my student loan people for years, and now they finally have me by the short hairs, so for the next nine months I will be one hard working motherfucker. I've had 2 jobs for about 7 years, now I have a third one, and I am picking up side gigs and trying to come up with any money making scheme I can. I have my office job (more about that later, I'm sure), I bartend on the weekends, and now I'm doing random office and bookkeeping tasks for the bar as well. I'm also trying to pick up some commercial work and freelance wherever I can. Need someone's legs broken? Call me!
I'm also writing a play. I have written several short plays (two have been produced) and a bunch of short stories and other crap, but this current project is my largest undertaking. I figure that if I talk about it enough, a) I will actually get it completed, and b) people will come see it. Plus, I can get rid of some of my excess brain diarreah here and hone my razor sharp wit so I'm bringing nothing but my A+++ game to my play. The show is called Chapel Perilous. WTF does that mean, you might ask? Well, one of my favorite authors, Robert Anton Wilson (The Illuminatus! Trilogy), in his book Cosmic Trigger, referred to Chapel Perilous thusly: "in researching occult conspiracies, one eventually faces a crossroad of mythic proportions (called Chapel Perilous in the trade). You come out the other side either stone paranoid or an agnostic; there is no third way. I came out agnostic... like the Ego, once you are inside it, there doesn't seem to be any way to ever get out again, until you suddenly discover that it has been brought into existence by thought and does not exist outside thought. Everything you fear is waiting with slavering jaws in Chapel Perilous, but if you are armed with the wand of intuition, the cup of sympathy, the sword of reason, and the pentacle of valor, you will find there (the legends say) the Medicine of Metals, the Elixir of Life, the Philosopher's Stone, True Wisdom and Perfect Happiness." RAW also thought that the perfect on screen representation of Chapel Perilous is the movie 'Chinatown'. I happen to agree with him there, although there are many. I've always been fascinated with this concept, and I feel sometimes that I have been in and out of Chapel Perilous all my life. The show is loosely based on my experiences as a bar fly and a bartender. What really set this in motion, though - I was sitting at the Hub one afternoon with my friend Jason, and he said, "you know, you should write this show where we play twins." And I of course said, "evil twins!" And he said, "Fuck yeah!" And then that was that.
I'm also a member of Jobsite Theater, and I'll be in their next production, Night of the Living Dead. (That will add a whole new layer to the WTFness of my life. I'm going to have to schedule every moment of my day along with budgeting every cent. Guess I need to embrace my inner anal-retentive.) But I am very excited to be a part of it, there's so many people I love involved, and it will be super kick ass and lots of fun! This time of year sucks, though - audition time. It really feeds the ol' insecurities, let me tell you. More on that crap later, I'm not feeling like getting into it now.
Jobsite's current production, Pericles, is very rad and you should all go see it, if you haven't already. It plays at TBPAC until August 23. I consider it a real inspiration, as it was written by two local playwrights who are some seriously funny motherfuckers. I did ask one of them in a drunken moment of I don't know what to read Chapel Perilous when it's done and give me some pointers. I hope he doesn't make me cry like a little bitch.
Well, it's getting late - I'm off from job #3 tonight, so it's time to leave job #1 (I should be going to the gym right now, but... uh....), go home, cook dinner, have some wine, and commune with my darling domestic partner. Holler at y'all later, I suppose.
Ok, so I was joking around the other day with my friend Michelle, and I said I should start a blog about being broke as shit and all of the weird ass bizarro crap that happens to me and how I can still have a good time with no money and you can too! And she thought it was a genius idea, and so here I go.
I've been fighting with my student loan people for years, and now they finally have me by the short hairs, so for the next nine months I will be one hard working motherfucker. I've had 2 jobs for about 7 years, now I have a third one, and I am picking up side gigs and trying to come up with any money making scheme I can. I have my office job (more about that later, I'm sure), I bartend on the weekends, and now I'm doing random office and bookkeeping tasks for the bar as well. I'm also trying to pick up some commercial work and freelance wherever I can. Need someone's legs broken? Call me!
I'm also writing a play. I have written several short plays (two have been produced) and a bunch of short stories and other crap, but this current project is my largest undertaking. I figure that if I talk about it enough, a) I will actually get it completed, and b) people will come see it. Plus, I can get rid of some of my excess brain diarreah here and hone my razor sharp wit so I'm bringing nothing but my A+++ game to my play. The show is called Chapel Perilous. WTF does that mean, you might ask? Well, one of my favorite authors, Robert Anton Wilson (The Illuminatus! Trilogy), in his book Cosmic Trigger, referred to Chapel Perilous thusly: "in researching occult conspiracies, one eventually faces a crossroad of mythic proportions (called Chapel Perilous in the trade). You come out the other side either stone paranoid or an agnostic; there is no third way. I came out agnostic... like the Ego, once you are inside it, there doesn't seem to be any way to ever get out again, until you suddenly discover that it has been brought into existence by thought and does not exist outside thought. Everything you fear is waiting with slavering jaws in Chapel Perilous, but if you are armed with the wand of intuition, the cup of sympathy, the sword of reason, and the pentacle of valor, you will find there (the legends say) the Medicine of Metals, the Elixir of Life, the Philosopher's Stone, True Wisdom and Perfect Happiness." RAW also thought that the perfect on screen representation of Chapel Perilous is the movie 'Chinatown'. I happen to agree with him there, although there are many. I've always been fascinated with this concept, and I feel sometimes that I have been in and out of Chapel Perilous all my life. The show is loosely based on my experiences as a bar fly and a bartender. What really set this in motion, though - I was sitting at the Hub one afternoon with my friend Jason, and he said, "you know, you should write this show where we play twins." And I of course said, "evil twins!" And he said, "Fuck yeah!" And then that was that.
I'm also a member of Jobsite Theater, and I'll be in their next production, Night of the Living Dead. (That will add a whole new layer to the WTFness of my life. I'm going to have to schedule every moment of my day along with budgeting every cent. Guess I need to embrace my inner anal-retentive.) But I am very excited to be a part of it, there's so many people I love involved, and it will be super kick ass and lots of fun! This time of year sucks, though - audition time. It really feeds the ol' insecurities, let me tell you. More on that crap later, I'm not feeling like getting into it now.
Jobsite's current production, Pericles, is very rad and you should all go see it, if you haven't already. It plays at TBPAC until August 23. I consider it a real inspiration, as it was written by two local playwrights who are some seriously funny motherfuckers. I did ask one of them in a drunken moment of I don't know what to read Chapel Perilous when it's done and give me some pointers. I hope he doesn't make me cry like a little bitch.
Well, it's getting late - I'm off from job #3 tonight, so it's time to leave job #1 (I should be going to the gym right now, but... uh....), go home, cook dinner, have some wine, and commune with my darling domestic partner. Holler at y'all later, I suppose.
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