Hello there, I hope y'all had a good weekend. Mine was chill and low key - in the interest of saving money, you know, because we are all thrifty and shit. I did suffer some minor bullshit this weekend... some lameness and *wah!* hurt feelings, but that is nothing new. I've been feeling very down lately, having a wee crise existentielle for some reason. It could also be that I am freaking the fuck out about my upcoming (rapidly! Rapidly!... ok, not really) birthday - like I'm some balding fat guy who's dying to go bang a 20 year old blonde and buy a hideous yellow Corvette....
If you know me, you know that I am usually a very happy person, happily making fun of stupid people and things around me, happily having a few cocktails with friends, happily being a total whackadoo.... So these feelings of "meh" and "Fuck My Life" are strange and foreign to me. I wouldn't really say that I am depressed - I don't feel all mopey and pathetic like those people in the commercials. I don't have a big crank sticking out of my back. I don't think it's sexy to be in a claw foot bathtub out in the fucking middle of nowhere - oh, wait, that's Cialis, dick-voodoo, not anti-depressants, whatever.
I mostly feel angry - angry that my life seems so much more fucked up and full of lame than everyone else's. It's not the kind of berzerker angry that feels good when you let 'er rip and bite some douchenozzles's head off and shit down their neck, oh no; this is a slow burn, an anger with a side of bitterness that just sits in my stomach and festers like an old bum tossed into the Great Pit of Carkoon. It's pathetic anger bread. It's giving me the agita. E pessimo, that's for sure. I think I am getting an ulcer.
One of the hardest life lessons for me has been that life is intrinsically unfair. I just can't wrap my head around it - but it's true, life is as unfair as a motherfucker - I will never win, there is always someone who has awesome fucking things happen to them all the time even though they are a huge dickhead; and there is always a super nice person who gets shit on constantly. Always - that is the way of the world. I remember when I was a kid, and I would get down in the dumps because some girls at school were being mean to me or some boy I had the hots for thought I was a tool, or whatever - and my mom would say, "Hey! At least you can walk and talk! A lot of people can't, you know! Now get over yourself or I'll give you something to be depressed about!" Oh, Mom, you were always full of the best advice and I can't believe I hardly listened to you when I was a little snotnosed brat....
So maybe I should just eat a big bowl of STFU and *get**over**it*. I have a lot of things to be thankful for. This reminds me of both a book I read ages ago and a conversation I had with S. not too long ago. Several years ago, I read this book Prozac Nation, by Elizabeth Wurtzel. GOD, that booked pissed me off so much - I wanted to find this bitch, and smack her in her thin, rich, smug face. This stupid cow was attractive, going to Harvard, had a rich family, and could not get out of bed and when she did, all she did was fucking whinge and bitch and moan. I remember thinking, "Gee, bitch, it must be nice to not have to work, because if I couldn't get out of bed due to a terrible case of ennui, I would be fucking fired, lose my shitty apartment, become homeless and probably end up ass up face down in a gutter somewhere." Maybe that was somewhat heartless of me, I don't know (and don't really care, either). She had a disease, and she couldn't help it. I've known a few people in my life who were gorgeous, came from wealthy families, and seemed to have all of life's sweet fruit handed to them on a silver fucking platter, and they were still moany, whiny little cry-babies who had to have Prozac and Valium just to get up in the morning (along with some rails of blow, a cocktail, and a bong hit, but that's neither here nor there). Look at Nick Drake - handsome, talented, from an artsy well-to-do family, had the world as his proverbial oyster.... he died at just 26 from an overdose of Lithium, an experimental drug at that time.
I know that there are certain situations, people, and things that particularly depress me. I'm going to try a course of total avoidance of those situations, people, and things. I refuse to be one of those people, I refuse to be a whiny cry-baby bitch. I'd rather eat of my pathetic anger bread than be a numb mindless dillhole. I'll self-medicate with beer and snark, if you please. The only thing that would be a little cool about being depressed is if it made me lose a few lbs. Hahahaha, yeah fucking right, I would never be so lucky. #FML! :)
Monday, August 24, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
so as I was saying...
Hey, kids! Well, as promised, here are a few things to do this weekend that cost little or no money. Some of the arty-er things are good for people going on dates - you know you want to look cultured and suave, bitchez! Most events can be enhanced by the purchase and subtle concealment of a flask of your favorite adult beverage (if you don't have one, ask around - a lot of people have several, left over groomsmens and bridesmaids gifts and such); but please don't get shitfaced and drive. If you do get shitfaced, find a nice broke friend who's willing to stay sober and drive your drunk ass around if you pay his way into places.
Jobsite Theater's Pericles - Shimberg Playhouse, Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, thru Sunday. Rush tickets are available - student & military discounts. If you can offer to help dismantle the set on Sunday after the show, you may qualify for FREE tickets. I'm not just pimping this show because I'm a member of Jobsite and a bunch of my friends are busting their asses on it - nope, I'm pimping it because it's a DAMN FINE show. I might have to go see it again, it was so good. S. said it was the best Jobsite show ever, up to and including the ones I wrote/ acted in! So that's some good shit! Go see it! For more info, visit http://www.jobsitetheater.org/pericles.asp.
Showing after Pericles, enjoy LOL: An Evening with Arnie Ellis; Aug. 21-22, 11 p.m. Fri.-Sat., Shimberg Playhouse, Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, Tampa, $5, free for Jobsite members. $5!?!?!?! You gotta be shitting me!! A world-class comedy show for only $5? That's so cheap it's practically free! Again, flask would be very useful here.
Opening tonight is a movie I really want to see - Quentin Tarantino's new WWII Nazi killing fun fest, Inglorious Basterds. It's probably playing at a gazillion theaters and I can't be assed to go look up the schedule, but y'all are big kids, I'm sure you can figure it out. "But, Christen, " you might be thinking, "going to a movie is expensive! We can't afford that!" BUT WAIT! Yes, going to a movie IS expensive, once you factor in the drinks and candy and popcorn, etc etc. That's why you need to spend a few minutes in planning, and you too can enjoy a night out at the movies. Here's the basic idea - dudes, offer to buy the ticket for your ladydates & in exchange, ladydates carry big assed purses full of bottled soda, whiskey, disposable cups, a ziplock bag full of ice, funyons and snickers bars. Or a 12 pack of beer. Or Absinthe. Or really, whatever. See, unless you are a complete dipshit, movie theaters don't search girl's purses. Fill up a stylish hobo bag (available @ Target for like $10 if you don't have a suitably big assed purse) with cheap liquor and potato chips, and you've got a hot night ahead of you!
Art openings & shows are an old favorite of mine - typically free and usually offering free wine, beer, snack foods or whatever. I looked for you and the only one I can see for this weekend is Flair - Largo's artists unite to debut new works in a variety of mediums -- including painting, photography and sculpture, along with live music and poetry readings. Visit largoevents.com for more info. Sat., Aug. 22, 6-9 p.m., Ulmer Park, Largo, free. But don't worry - I'll post art openings like crazy on here as soon as I hear about them
Free food at the Dali Museum!!! S'REAL Fridays - An arty twist to the beginning of the weekend, these events include a variety of jazz in the cafe, screenings of unusual silent films, complimentary hors d'oeuvres and, of course, access to the country's largest collection of Salvador Dalí works. Every Friday through Aug. 28 from 5:30 to 8:30 p.m. Salvador Dalí Museum, St. Petersburg, $8.50, salvadordalimuseum.org. This one will make you look particularly classy to your dates.
Pay What You Can Admission (i.e., hardly anything) at American Stage in St. Pete: Die, Mommie, Die (by Charles Busch - I love him!) The Suncoast AIDS Theatre Project presents another installment in the The Summer Nights of Alternative Theater Series, which benefits the Metropolitan Charities, providing services to locals living with HIV and AIDS. The show is a campy, comedic melodrama that borrows from 1960s thriller flicks. It follows Angela, who poisons her husband via suppository. Angela's vengeful daughter convinces her brother to kill their mother. When Angela drinks the LSD-laced coffee he gives her, all of her dark secrets come tumbling out. Visit americanstage.org for more info. Aug. 24, Mon., 7:30 p.m., American Stage, St. Petersburg, all shows are "pay what you can admission." AND, Circumference of a Squirrel, part of American Stage's After Hours Series, this dark comedy spins circles of meaning orbiting a one-man performance about Chester, a tortured, obsessive young man preoccupied with everything but the task at hand. A self-diagnosed “rodentophobe,” he frets ceaselessly about his parents, his ex-wife, and the constant threat of rabies. Chester shares details about his father’s irrational fear of squirrels and disease, a childhood burden that in turn infected Chester’s own life. Thru Aug. 22, 10 p.m. Fri.-Sat., American Stage, St. Petersburg, all performances are "pay what you can" admission, visit americanstage.org for more info.
And of course, there's karaoke! Annoy friends and strangers alike with your moving rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" while downing Buds & Jager-bombs. You know you want to. I recommend Pete's Place, 4145 Henderson Blvd in South Tampa. It's CHEAP to drink there, one of the cheapest bars in Tampa, actually; and the crowd is not too dodgy, they're pretty kind at karaoke, there's a pool table and parking is free.
And if you've just GOT to go to Ybor, stop into the smallest little bar with the biggest attitude, Fuma Bella! No cover, one of the cheapest bars in Ybor, and the bartender is a fucking genius. Try the Mexican Trailer Park shot. Say hi to Charlie for me!!
"Well, thanks, Christen, for sharing with us all of these cultural nuggets. But what should we do during the day??", you might ask. Well, this is Florida, so the obvious option would be going to the beach. However, that's kinda far, there's sand, yadda yadda yadda. I recommend finding a friend with a pool, either at their house or apartment complex. Lots of pretty nice apartment complexes do not have gates and no one particularly checking out the pool area for interlopers. My friends who know about such things suggest visting them at Cove (4001 S West Shore Blvd), conveniently located right next to a Circle K and the Green Iguana Westshore. Apparently, there's a wild ass party with plenty of foxy chicks and dudes every weekend day, and you're pretty welcome if you show up with a cooler full of beer, and it doesn't even have to be expensive beer, either.
Or you can always stock up on wine and frozen taquitos, grab your significant other, and snuggle together on the couch in a darkened living room, while ragging on all of the hosts on HGTV and the Food Network. I'm kinda partial to that one, too....
Jobsite Theater's Pericles - Shimberg Playhouse, Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, thru Sunday. Rush tickets are available - student & military discounts. If you can offer to help dismantle the set on Sunday after the show, you may qualify for FREE tickets. I'm not just pimping this show because I'm a member of Jobsite and a bunch of my friends are busting their asses on it - nope, I'm pimping it because it's a DAMN FINE show. I might have to go see it again, it was so good. S. said it was the best Jobsite show ever, up to and including the ones I wrote/ acted in! So that's some good shit! Go see it! For more info, visit http://www.jobsitetheater.org/pericles.asp.
Showing after Pericles, enjoy LOL: An Evening with Arnie Ellis; Aug. 21-22, 11 p.m. Fri.-Sat., Shimberg Playhouse, Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center, Tampa, $5, free for Jobsite members. $5!?!?!?! You gotta be shitting me!! A world-class comedy show for only $5? That's so cheap it's practically free! Again, flask would be very useful here.
Opening tonight is a movie I really want to see - Quentin Tarantino's new WWII Nazi killing fun fest, Inglorious Basterds. It's probably playing at a gazillion theaters and I can't be assed to go look up the schedule, but y'all are big kids, I'm sure you can figure it out. "But, Christen, " you might be thinking, "going to a movie is expensive! We can't afford that!" BUT WAIT! Yes, going to a movie IS expensive, once you factor in the drinks and candy and popcorn, etc etc. That's why you need to spend a few minutes in planning, and you too can enjoy a night out at the movies. Here's the basic idea - dudes, offer to buy the ticket for your ladydates & in exchange, ladydates carry big assed purses full of bottled soda, whiskey, disposable cups, a ziplock bag full of ice, funyons and snickers bars. Or a 12 pack of beer. Or Absinthe. Or really, whatever. See, unless you are a complete dipshit, movie theaters don't search girl's purses. Fill up a stylish hobo bag (available @ Target for like $10 if you don't have a suitably big assed purse) with cheap liquor and potato chips, and you've got a hot night ahead of you!
Art openings & shows are an old favorite of mine - typically free and usually offering free wine, beer, snack foods or whatever. I looked for you and the only one I can see for this weekend is Flair - Largo's artists unite to debut new works in a variety of mediums -- including painting, photography and sculpture, along with live music and poetry readings. Visit largoevents.com for more info. Sat., Aug. 22, 6-9 p.m., Ulmer Park, Largo, free. But don't worry - I'll post art openings like crazy on here as soon as I hear about them
Free food at the Dali Museum!!! S'REAL Fridays - An arty twist to the beginning of the weekend, these events include a variety of jazz in the cafe, screenings of unusual silent films, complimentary hors d'oeuvres and, of course, access to the country's largest collection of Salvador Dalí works. Every Friday through Aug. 28 from 5:30 to 8:30 p.m. Salvador Dalí Museum, St. Petersburg, $8.50, salvadordalimuseum.org. This one will make you look particularly classy to your dates.
Pay What You Can Admission (i.e., hardly anything) at American Stage in St. Pete: Die, Mommie, Die (by Charles Busch - I love him!) The Suncoast AIDS Theatre Project presents another installment in the The Summer Nights of Alternative Theater Series, which benefits the Metropolitan Charities, providing services to locals living with HIV and AIDS. The show is a campy, comedic melodrama that borrows from 1960s thriller flicks. It follows Angela, who poisons her husband via suppository. Angela's vengeful daughter convinces her brother to kill their mother. When Angela drinks the LSD-laced coffee he gives her, all of her dark secrets come tumbling out. Visit americanstage.org for more info. Aug. 24, Mon., 7:30 p.m., American Stage, St. Petersburg, all shows are "pay what you can admission." AND, Circumference of a Squirrel, part of American Stage's After Hours Series, this dark comedy spins circles of meaning orbiting a one-man performance about Chester, a tortured, obsessive young man preoccupied with everything but the task at hand. A self-diagnosed “rodentophobe,” he frets ceaselessly about his parents, his ex-wife, and the constant threat of rabies. Chester shares details about his father’s irrational fear of squirrels and disease, a childhood burden that in turn infected Chester’s own life. Thru Aug. 22, 10 p.m. Fri.-Sat., American Stage, St. Petersburg, all performances are "pay what you can" admission, visit americanstage.org for more info.
And of course, there's karaoke! Annoy friends and strangers alike with your moving rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" while downing Buds & Jager-bombs. You know you want to. I recommend Pete's Place, 4145 Henderson Blvd in South Tampa. It's CHEAP to drink there, one of the cheapest bars in Tampa, actually; and the crowd is not too dodgy, they're pretty kind at karaoke, there's a pool table and parking is free.
And if you've just GOT to go to Ybor, stop into the smallest little bar with the biggest attitude, Fuma Bella! No cover, one of the cheapest bars in Ybor, and the bartender is a fucking genius. Try the Mexican Trailer Park shot. Say hi to Charlie for me!!
"Well, thanks, Christen, for sharing with us all of these cultural nuggets. But what should we do during the day??", you might ask. Well, this is Florida, so the obvious option would be going to the beach. However, that's kinda far, there's sand, yadda yadda yadda. I recommend finding a friend with a pool, either at their house or apartment complex. Lots of pretty nice apartment complexes do not have gates and no one particularly checking out the pool area for interlopers. My friends who know about such things suggest visting them at Cove (4001 S West Shore Blvd), conveniently located right next to a Circle K and the Green Iguana Westshore. Apparently, there's a wild ass party with plenty of foxy chicks and dudes every weekend day, and you're pretty welcome if you show up with a cooler full of beer, and it doesn't even have to be expensive beer, either.
Or you can always stock up on wine and frozen taquitos, grab your significant other, and snuggle together on the couch in a darkened living room, while ragging on all of the hosts on HGTV and the Food Network. I'm kinda partial to that one, too....
Thursday, August 20, 2009
popping the posting cherry....
FUCK ME RUNNING!! I totes had the best blog post evar almost fucking completed, and then like a total dumbass I deleted it. Oh well. Here's try #2.
Ok, so I was joking around the other day with my friend Michelle, and I said I should start a blog about being broke as shit and all of the weird ass bizarro crap that happens to me and how I can still have a good time with no money and you can too! And she thought it was a genius idea, and so here I go.
I've been fighting with my student loan people for years, and now they finally have me by the short hairs, so for the next nine months I will be one hard working motherfucker. I've had 2 jobs for about 7 years, now I have a third one, and I am picking up side gigs and trying to come up with any money making scheme I can. I have my office job (more about that later, I'm sure), I bartend on the weekends, and now I'm doing random office and bookkeeping tasks for the bar as well. I'm also trying to pick up some commercial work and freelance wherever I can. Need someone's legs broken? Call me!
I'm also writing a play. I have written several short plays (two have been produced) and a bunch of short stories and other crap, but this current project is my largest undertaking. I figure that if I talk about it enough, a) I will actually get it completed, and b) people will come see it. Plus, I can get rid of some of my excess brain diarreah here and hone my razor sharp wit so I'm bringing nothing but my A+++ game to my play. The show is called Chapel Perilous. WTF does that mean, you might ask? Well, one of my favorite authors, Robert Anton Wilson (The Illuminatus! Trilogy), in his book Cosmic Trigger, referred to Chapel Perilous thusly: "in researching occult conspiracies, one eventually faces a crossroad of mythic proportions (called Chapel Perilous in the trade). You come out the other side either stone paranoid or an agnostic; there is no third way. I came out agnostic... like the Ego, once you are inside it, there doesn't seem to be any way to ever get out again, until you suddenly discover that it has been brought into existence by thought and does not exist outside thought. Everything you fear is waiting with slavering jaws in Chapel Perilous, but if you are armed with the wand of intuition, the cup of sympathy, the sword of reason, and the pentacle of valor, you will find there (the legends say) the Medicine of Metals, the Elixir of Life, the Philosopher's Stone, True Wisdom and Perfect Happiness." RAW also thought that the perfect on screen representation of Chapel Perilous is the movie 'Chinatown'. I happen to agree with him there, although there are many. I've always been fascinated with this concept, and I feel sometimes that I have been in and out of Chapel Perilous all my life. The show is loosely based on my experiences as a bar fly and a bartender. What really set this in motion, though - I was sitting at the Hub one afternoon with my friend Jason, and he said, "you know, you should write this show where we play twins." And I of course said, "evil twins!" And he said, "Fuck yeah!" And then that was that.
I'm also a member of Jobsite Theater, and I'll be in their next production, Night of the Living Dead. (That will add a whole new layer to the WTFness of my life. I'm going to have to schedule every moment of my day along with budgeting every cent. Guess I need to embrace my inner anal-retentive.) But I am very excited to be a part of it, there's so many people I love involved, and it will be super kick ass and lots of fun! This time of year sucks, though - audition time. It really feeds the ol' insecurities, let me tell you. More on that crap later, I'm not feeling like getting into it now.
Jobsite's current production, Pericles, is very rad and you should all go see it, if you haven't already. It plays at TBPAC until August 23. I consider it a real inspiration, as it was written by two local playwrights who are some seriously funny motherfuckers. I did ask one of them in a drunken moment of I don't know what to read Chapel Perilous when it's done and give me some pointers. I hope he doesn't make me cry like a little bitch.
Well, it's getting late - I'm off from job #3 tonight, so it's time to leave job #1 (I should be going to the gym right now, but... uh....), go home, cook dinner, have some wine, and commune with my darling domestic partner. Holler at y'all later, I suppose.
Ok, so I was joking around the other day with my friend Michelle, and I said I should start a blog about being broke as shit and all of the weird ass bizarro crap that happens to me and how I can still have a good time with no money and you can too! And she thought it was a genius idea, and so here I go.
I've been fighting with my student loan people for years, and now they finally have me by the short hairs, so for the next nine months I will be one hard working motherfucker. I've had 2 jobs for about 7 years, now I have a third one, and I am picking up side gigs and trying to come up with any money making scheme I can. I have my office job (more about that later, I'm sure), I bartend on the weekends, and now I'm doing random office and bookkeeping tasks for the bar as well. I'm also trying to pick up some commercial work and freelance wherever I can. Need someone's legs broken? Call me!
I'm also writing a play. I have written several short plays (two have been produced) and a bunch of short stories and other crap, but this current project is my largest undertaking. I figure that if I talk about it enough, a) I will actually get it completed, and b) people will come see it. Plus, I can get rid of some of my excess brain diarreah here and hone my razor sharp wit so I'm bringing nothing but my A+++ game to my play. The show is called Chapel Perilous. WTF does that mean, you might ask? Well, one of my favorite authors, Robert Anton Wilson (The Illuminatus! Trilogy), in his book Cosmic Trigger, referred to Chapel Perilous thusly: "in researching occult conspiracies, one eventually faces a crossroad of mythic proportions (called Chapel Perilous in the trade). You come out the other side either stone paranoid or an agnostic; there is no third way. I came out agnostic... like the Ego, once you are inside it, there doesn't seem to be any way to ever get out again, until you suddenly discover that it has been brought into existence by thought and does not exist outside thought. Everything you fear is waiting with slavering jaws in Chapel Perilous, but if you are armed with the wand of intuition, the cup of sympathy, the sword of reason, and the pentacle of valor, you will find there (the legends say) the Medicine of Metals, the Elixir of Life, the Philosopher's Stone, True Wisdom and Perfect Happiness." RAW also thought that the perfect on screen representation of Chapel Perilous is the movie 'Chinatown'. I happen to agree with him there, although there are many. I've always been fascinated with this concept, and I feel sometimes that I have been in and out of Chapel Perilous all my life. The show is loosely based on my experiences as a bar fly and a bartender. What really set this in motion, though - I was sitting at the Hub one afternoon with my friend Jason, and he said, "you know, you should write this show where we play twins." And I of course said, "evil twins!" And he said, "Fuck yeah!" And then that was that.
I'm also a member of Jobsite Theater, and I'll be in their next production, Night of the Living Dead. (That will add a whole new layer to the WTFness of my life. I'm going to have to schedule every moment of my day along with budgeting every cent. Guess I need to embrace my inner anal-retentive.) But I am very excited to be a part of it, there's so many people I love involved, and it will be super kick ass and lots of fun! This time of year sucks, though - audition time. It really feeds the ol' insecurities, let me tell you. More on that crap later, I'm not feeling like getting into it now.
Jobsite's current production, Pericles, is very rad and you should all go see it, if you haven't already. It plays at TBPAC until August 23. I consider it a real inspiration, as it was written by two local playwrights who are some seriously funny motherfuckers. I did ask one of them in a drunken moment of I don't know what to read Chapel Perilous when it's done and give me some pointers. I hope he doesn't make me cry like a little bitch.
Well, it's getting late - I'm off from job #3 tonight, so it's time to leave job #1 (I should be going to the gym right now, but... uh....), go home, cook dinner, have some wine, and commune with my darling domestic partner. Holler at y'all later, I suppose.
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